If, like me, you're the wrong side of 25 ... ok 30 ... ok whatever ... it's not always easy to blend in when attending a rock music concert. If you're also, like me, slightly shorter than 6ft 6 it can be a challenge to even see anything! Add to these factors the chance that your offspring might not actually want to be seen talking to you (usually if they have mates in attendance) and it can all make for a very long night.
My own experiences will, of course, be different to those of other parents. No doubt most parents attending a rock gig with their kids will be pretty cool (is 'cool' even an acceptable adjective these days?) I, on the other hand, am far from cool, and indeed have never been even remotely so. Having said that, I suppose if I was too shamefully uncool I'd be told to wait in the car.
Currently my kids are still at school and have no income ... well no official income ... I don't think my credit card counts (although it should!) This, I believe, is why I get 'invited' along to so many gigs. There is also the small matter of transportation to and from the venues. These things make it difficult for me to imagine that they're just asking me along for my sparkling wit and splendid dance moves.
We started going to gigs regularly about 12 months ago, and so any advice I put in this page is what I've picked up over that time. Not all of it will be relevant to your family experience ... I hope not for your sake ... but if any of it helps then I have achieved my goal.
Here goes ...
1. If you're not a cool person, don't try to be. The kids will laugh if one of their friends does something outrageous (i.e. removes items of clothing, or pours a can of fizzy pop over their head) If you do it they will never speak to you again.
2. Don't try to make out that you're 'down with the kids' - I have done this and the general response is a loud sigh followed by a slow shake of the head.
Even if you are 'down with the kids' (as I am) and you know all there is to know about the band you are there to see, nobody cares!
3. If your kids have mates that are also at the gig, even if they are friends you don't like, leave them all to it, grab yourself a pint of lemonade and go and stand at the back of the venue. They are not going to get up to much in such a confined space, especially if they think you're watching them but they can't actually see you. Even better if you can keep an eye on them, but have you seen the size of teenagers these days?? Hmm I may have to invest in some stilts...
4. Don't dance - enough said.
5. Never crowdsurf - especially if you're wearing a tweed skirt (yes Barry, I'm talking to you!)
6. Avoid the Moshpit at all costs. Standing at the back usually covers this but if you're at a small venue nothing is guaranteed. If there is an upstairs you might be safe there - in fact they even have sofas on the balcony at The SUGARMILL, Stoke ... we go there a lot!
7. Getting your kids to avoid the Moshpit might be a tad more challenging - I'm quite lucky because my 2 aren't that keen on getting smashed to smithereens! They will obviously want to get as close to the front as they can, so try to persuade them to stand at the sides - its much safer, and they can usually avoid getting kicked in the head by the crowdsurfers too. If they choose not to take your advice and end up with a disfiguring facial injury, well they only have themselves to blame.
8. Try not to get agitated when someone barges into you ... take a deep breath and count to 10. Its going to happen, its bound to annoy you - actually I get more peeved when my kids get knocked about, but they really don't care. It constantly amazes me at these events that there is never any hostility. Yes, some of the audience members do look a little intimidating, but they are only there to enjoy seeing their favourite bands play music for them. Even when they are running at each other with the force of a herd of elephants whilst moshing, its all done in the most friendly way.
9. Given the opportunity, book seats! This negates the need for most of the advice given above, but is only an option at larger venues. As you're paying for the tickets, its only fair that you get to decide whether you sit or stand.
10. Drink plenty of water or pop ... avoid alcohol. The chances are you'll be driving anyway, that's why you're there after all, so its best to keep a clear head. By the end of the evening your head will be spinning anyway, and you'll be almost completely deaf, so you'll need your wits about you for the journey home.
11. Keep a can of spray deodorant in the car ... trust me, you will need it.
12. Wear ear plugs. I keep promising that I will take this advice myself, but have so far failed.
13. Only sing along if you absolutely know all of the words. The tune doesn't really matter because no-one will actually hear you, but you're bound to get caught on camera if you're mumbling the wrong lyrics, and your kids won't thank you for being that kind of YouTube hit. It will also prove how uncool you are, and you don't want that.
14. Clothing ... tricky this one. Jeans are pretty safe. Even the most untrendy amongst us (i.e. me) owns a pair of jeans - any dark colour is fine. Whatever you do, don't go for the leather or PVC pants you save for special occasions - you'll get extremely hot and sweaty and will spend half the night squeaking and trying to adjust yourself. You're also quite safe with a tee-shirt of some description - you might even get away with one with a band logo if you're lucky. I have just bought myself a nice hooded sweater with pockets ... I need somewhere to put my hands as I won't be waving them in the air at any point. I can take it off during the gig once I get warmed up and then I will feel the benefit once I get outside.
Try to avoid taking an overcoat - you'll only end up carrying it around along with the kids' hoodies.
15. Footwear ... trainers or boots. You will get trodden on at the very least, possibly even trampled. Avoid flip flops and stilettoes (Barry!!) and you may escape unscathed.
16. Don't give the kids your Ticketmaster login details.
17. Give yourself plenty of time to get to a gig, and make sure you have some idea of where the car parks are ... kids can get a bit tetchy if they think they're going to miss something, even if the support band is rubbish.
18. Embrace the spontaneous beer shampoo. Convince yourself that its good for your hair ... but do try to wash it out before you go to bed.
19. Go to the toilet before you leave the house, especially if travelling a fair way. This shouldn't need saying but apparently it should have been higher up the list!
That's all for now but I will add more useful tips when they come to mind.
